Transforming the Church's Culture of Conflict

In September Bridge Builders held its first national conference on the subject of church mediation. Nearly 50 people gathered at St Katharine’s in the East End of London for a stimulating day. In the opening presentation, Alastair McKay, director of Bridge Builders, offered three challenges: first about changing the culture of how our churches think about and engage with conflict; second, about promoting and resourcing mediation as one way of dealing with conflict; and third, about recognising the limits of mediation, and taking a more systemic view of the conflicts that arise.

So how does the culture of the church need to be changed? How can we avoid conflict being experienced only as a destructive force in church life? Here are a just a few suggestions for that long-term work:
1. We can learn to think differently about conflict. Bridge Builders’ assumption is that conflict is normal and to be expected in any group. This is especially true in the church, where we are seeking to build a community that can support one another and serve others, and where we are trying to work out what it means to be reconciled to God and to each other.
2. We can do more theological reflection on conflict. Many of the books in the Bible have grown out of situations of conflict, and most of the narratives are tales of conflict. Used appropriately, the Bible can be a wonderful resource as we seek to work creatively with conflict.
3. We can expect to encounter God in the midst of our conflicts. Jesus promises that “… where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” Jesus is not saying he’ll be with us when only two or three have turned up for the prayer or home group meeting. He promises his presence when his followers gather together to engage in loving confrontation, good listening, and seeking agreement in the midst of their tensions and differences.
4. We can be open and honest about issues around power. Jesus addressed such issues directly among the early disciples. We need to acknowledge that many conflicts are tied up with gaining or losing power, and address the resulting issues face-on.
5. We can improve our communication skills, especially our capacity to listen deeply to one another. We need to be willing to learn and grow in our skills, even as we grow old.
6. We can learn to understand and explore differences between people. We struggle to grasp how people are different from one another, too often expecting others to be like us. So finding tools to explore differences in personality and communication style can be a lifeline.
7. We can learn to understand the emotional dynamics that operate within a church group or congregation. Church congregations are complex, organic, emotional systems. They have much in common with human families. Leaders especially need to draw insights from the social sciences to help us understand these dynamics.
8. We can learn to hold better meetings and to improve our decision-making processes. For those chairing meetings this might include welcoming conflict –meaning welcoming the open expression of different views – and exploring ways of addressing underlying concerns not just stated demands. And we need to find ways to build consensus and to seek discernment in our decision-making.

You can read Alastair’s full presentation at www.menno.org.uk/node/161.